When you teach your son…

son

 

Here is a life lessons I started to learn before I started to travel. I’ve been wanting to write about it but it is only now that my heart feels the urgent need to put it in words. The relationship between a father and his son. Ever noticed how boys tend to follow their fathers footsteps? For as long as I’ve been able to use my reason, I noticed how many young men end up being just like their father. Well, in some cases, it is a good thing but in many others, it is not.

Growing up, boys get to see how their father treats their mom and often grow up almost hating their dad either because of cheating or because of simple absence in the household. They go on and on, talking about how their dad was never there or saying that they will never be like their this man.

However, after reaching a certain age, many of them end up following the footsteps of the man they pretended to hate. Why is that? Why do they end up like them?

There is an important factor in life called holding grudges.Whether we realize it or not, grudges are like bacteria. They multiply, they grow and they eat. Grudges destroys the heart. Boys have a natural desire since they are little boys to be like their daddy. Just like little girls think they will marry their father, little boys think they will be just like them. The disappointment they experience while growing up covers this desire but it doesn’t erase it. If you get the chance to experience this, you will realize that a boy will still stay around his dad after he cheated on his mom, while a girl will most likely cut contact. Simply because boys always feel like they need the presence of a male model. They will rarely admit or realize it but they do. As much as a girl will more easily learn to create her own identity (I said most likely, there are some exceptions), a boy will often feel the need to look at someone and try to make them proud. Remember, men are more driven by recognition.

This created invisible ties. I am sure you heard this before “All the men in the family are like this..” and it becomes an excuse or poor argument to accept a certain behaviour. As an observer of people, I can’t help but put this to light so the youth can think about it. Are you sure you are not following your father’s steps? Even when you spent years saying you wouldn’t? 

The best way to be lost is to ignore when you can’t see. The first step towards breaking this chain is to recognize the hurt that a particular situation left in your heart. Recognize all that your father should’ve done and most importantly know the areas where he CAN’T be a model for you. Love him but stay realistic about certain things. Nothing will hurt more than looking back and realizing you are walking on the path you said you would never choose. It is more important to accept some realities and work on showing a different example to your son or future son than ignoring what hurt you in the past.

I know that God is the first mentor and that He is a father to those who don’t have one on earth. Being alive doesn’t necessarily make someone a father. Does he know you? Do you know him? The absence of a father affect boys just as much as it affects girls but I write about boys here because the consequences on their lives are not always easy to put a finger on. They can go through life acting a certain way and never realizing why they ended up like this.

A bad experience can change the sweetest hearts and can even crush values. The boy who said he would be faithful finds himself sleeping around and not being there for his children. The boy who said he would be there ends up being a ghost in his household, he doesn’t know his wife nor his children. He is simply absent, creating another disappointed son who will make the same mistakes if he doesn’t break the chain.

I know it is not easy to relive and accept some things but if you don’t you will slowly force yourself to accept them and by accepting them, you will repeat them.

xoxo

A travel lover

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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